What's a Chaos Dinner? And why you should have one!
plus, what you should wear (which is really just some fun spring outfit inspo!)
I coined the term “Chaos Dinner” (or, at least I’m telling myself that I coined it!), a couple years ago, in this very newsletter, as I was chronicling an event that has become a cornerstone of my family’s weekends and routine.
It is a ritual that started in the midst of my most recent maternity leave (which feels like forever ago and also basically a second ago, but was really ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO!?!? what is time/how is my youngest almost 2!). I was so lucky to have two friends who were on maternity leave at the same time, and we spent a lot of time together. Including, getting our families together to force friendship on everyone on a regular basis.
These were (still are), as you might be able to imagine, chaotic events. Amongst our families (at the time) we had three newborns, two toddlers and one pre-schooler. A full house. But, they were soul-filling. We didn’t necessarily leave feeling relaxed, but we did leave feeling happy! We continued this tradition once we went back to work, expanding our evenings to a select profile of restaurants around town, and to our houses on a rotating basis.
Doing something like this, it’s such a cornerstone of our lives now. Come Thursday afternoon, there is always a text, “chaos dinner tomorrow?” (also, sometimes the text comes Monday night, either already thinking forward to have a plan for Friday, or to seek something mid-week!) Our kids expect us to be doing it, and if we go more than a week without getting all together, they are now asking, “when are we seeing…?”
So, what is it?
Chaos dinner is an event. It’s a dinner (a meal, I guess, we just happen to choose dinner the most). It’s a meal where everyone is invited — kids, babies, adults, friends. It can be out at a restaurant (ideal because you can outsource the clean-up), or at someone’s home.
If it is at a restaurant:
It lasts 60-75 minutes max (maybe a little longer as your kids get older)
Meals for kids are ordered the second you sit down, accompanied by a special drink for them to enjoy
The restaurant should offer french fries (or tortilla chips) - your kids should get to have something they love to eat in front of them. And a kid-friendly dessert. This is not a time to argue about eating something specific, or having to try something new (unless your kid loves that, in which case it totally is!)
Adults should enjoy a cocktail/glass of wine/beer (if they choose)
Stickers & coloring utensils & fidget toys should be on hand
If it is at someone’s home:
Order takeout or make a simple meal — this is NOT a dinner party!
you have a little longer timeframe, for the meal.
Kids are usually allowed to watch a movie or show together after dinner is over (if there are older kids, it is totally acceptable to tell them they are in charge of the little kids and not see any of the kids for a few hours)
Your house does not need to be in perfect condition to have people over - no fancy tablescape or anything like that. Everyone will help clean up so you’re not left with a disaster!
The kids will play like crazy and act a fool. No problem. Babies will cry - no problem. Everyone will talk a mile a minute, at the same time. You will start one million conversations and success is when you complete 1 or 2. The point is — you are together with people you love to spend time with. Adults get to spend time with adults. Kids get to spend time with kids. Kids get to spend time with adults that aren’t just their parents. Adults get to spend time with kids that aren’t just their kids. Little to no work was involved in getting dinner on the table (we almost always order takeout if we are at someone’s house, once in awhile we will assemble a giant cheese board or something like that!) The kids are together and the adults are together and everyone’s cup gets filled. Everyone leaves happy and ready to be poured into bed.
And why should you have one?
I don’t know many people who couldn’t use a little more community in their lives - and that’s exactly what this is all about! Getting people together to spend time together and lighten the load a little bit for each individual/family unit. Have something to look forward to in your week - whether it’s on the weekend or on a weeknight. Have something that every member of your family is looking forward to together — something that you tell your kids is happening and their response is to cheer. Having fun. Enjoying a meal together. Relaxing and unwinding and talking and being silly. I think you should try it.
Ask a neighbor, ask a family from the playground, ask a friend from a workout class. It’s a short meal - it’s a great way to have a low-stakes hangout when you’re just starting to get to know someone. This also, by the way, is not only for people who have kids - it’s just that it will probably be a different type of chaos- the point isn’t about the demographic mix of the participants, it’s about showing up and being with other people in an casual and community-building way!
It’s also not the most “manners-focused” meal or dinner ritual, BUT, it is a great way to teach and show your kids how food and meals brings people together. It’s not just for the adults to have time with other grownups (although yes, that is really nice), it’s about the ritual of a meal with other people. There are not a ton of rules at the Chaos Dinner, but, kids do get to see and participate in the practice of sitting down and having a meal with other people, that isn’t just the core members of their family that they have dinners with at home. It’s an opportunity to learn about and practice the etiquette of a meal with others.
Don’t have a lot of takeout options around you? Do a potluck-style meal - either ask everyone to bring something, or assign something for each family to make/bring. You could do spaghetti & meatballs, personal pizzas, tacos, nachos, chili bowls, baked potato bar. All things that can be broken down into components, don’t take much prep and can be assembled and eaten in real-time! We’re not that far away from being able to do these meals outside, which is the ultimate luxury!
I sincerely hope you’ll give it a try - and if you do (or if you already have), please, please - let me know!
I’m even making it easy for you to get inspired for what to wear for these dinners — anything from making an outfit out of whatever you might have been wearing while lounging on the couch just a few minutes before, and getting ready in 10 minutes, to something more intentional and fun if the plan includes going to a restaurant. These are outfits I cannot wait to wear and recreate this spring with pieces I have already and some thing I am eyeing for the season ahead!
Honestly, this is what I want to be wearing every single weekend — a great pair of blue jeans, a striped shirt (I’ve had this shirt on my wishlist for SO LONG, and I think I’m finally doing it in the sand color-way, since I know I will wear it for work and for weekend things) and sneakers (I am definitely adding a pair of creme chucks to my spring sneaker rotation!) — add a jacket for layering (this is also a great one and on sale rn) and whatever fun pops of things you want to throw into the mix!
Am I going to say this is my ideal outfit in every single one? Maybe! I reserve that right. But, this is a great example of a variation on something that I would wear on a Friday to work (in my office or at home) and then quickly tweak before starting the weekend with my fam. For work, I might tuck the tee and wear the denim shirt (on my wishlist!), and then, for the weekend, untuck the tee, and tie the denim shirt around my waist. I’m very drawn to this size & style tote right now — not necessarily the most practical because it doesn’t have a hands-free option, but it is perfect for a bottle of wine and a kids toy, and it is just fun to carry! Swap the flats for a little kitten heel and you’re ready for a date night!
Only kind of kidding with this caption — but - everyone wearing an outfit like this with younger kids is also buying oxyclean in bulk, just saying!
Featuring the original barn jacket - buy it now and you will have it forever (people are snapping these up on ebay right now!) This is just easy and instantly put-together. These pants are perfect (similar look for less) for spring-through-summer (especially for anyone who doesn’t love shorts!) Pick any pop of color with your shoes (and these loafers look particularly fab!)
This one is for when you’re already fully lying on the couch but then the text comes, and you actually do want to get up and do something. No need to seek out a completed different outfit - you can just make a few changes to what you’re already wearing! Pair your sweatpants (I also swear by these and they’re on major discount) with something unexpected - a ballet flat (could do a loafer too), and a structured shirt that feels a little elevated - boom, you have a great outfit. The fab coat is just a bonus (and this one is extra-fab!). Wear this outfit to run errands, to drop off or pick up from school, for sidelines of sports events! If you’re going into your office, just swap out for a different pair of pants!
For your mid-week rendez-vous, maybe you have a slightly more professional look, and I love it! I will be recreating this outfit for work sometime soon, I love it so much!
Again, dying to wear this exact outfit (these pieces are to-die-for) and also recreate a look like this with what I already have. I am deeply invested in this short trench via Aligne - I just love everything the brand is doing right now, and this coat in particular is so great - feels special and different but totally wearable (the cape is removable!), and the price point is reasonable. I am also on the hunt to add some more work-appropriate pants into my closet, that don’t feel like “corporate” — in other words, that I know I will also wear for other things, and these really fit the bill (look for less here and here). Plus, I’m a sucker for green. Sucker for a blue shoe too, apparently?
If you prefer to view all these pieces together, you can do that here on my ShopMy page.
That’s all for today. I’m heading into the weekend and this week’s chaos dinner includes a St. Patrick’s Day celebration on Saturday with, I think, 10 kids? And the weather is supposed to be in the 50s (a dream!) Can’t wait!
ICYMI
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Obsessed with these fits omg
Just want to say that I have given up insta but I do actually miss styling content and you are one of the newsletters that is getting me excited about clothes again! Thank you!!