Are Substack subscriber chats the best thing on the internet right now?

Plus the recent purchase I made because of them, and the answers I got when I asked for help buying good underwear!

I can’t get enough of the subscriber chats that I am a part of on Substack.

If you’re wondering, what the heck is a Substack chat - you’re probably not alone. In November 2022, Substack introduced the Chat feature. It seems like they did this to keep writers & readers in platform, as other writers were creating their own bi-directional communication channels with tools like Slack, or Telegram. Basically, Chat is Substack’s community-building feature where writers and subscribers can engage with one another.

Specifically, I am addicted these chats:

• Megan’s Substack (Megan is the founder of Dorsey, the lab-grown jewelry company)

• Reva Luft
  (writes Trouping and is a personal stylist/woman behind the instagram account troupe)

• Jess Graves
  who writes The Love List and owns her own creative agency

• laura reilly
  who writes
  Magasin

In these chats, people (mostly, but probably not only women) ask each other about their latest finds, for input on significant purchases, for sizing insights on designer pieces. They help identify untagged pieces in paparazzi shots, Pinterest pics & Instagram screen shots, answer questions about the best products in certain categories, help analyze whether a purchase is worth the investment. They are finding new homes for pre-loved items. They are sharing the best small businesses, vintage stores, boutiques, shopping secrets. In

Laurel Pantin

chat, community-members snapped pictures of their own Thanksgiving outfits and shared them with the community.

I check the chats I subscribe to daily. I respond. I ask my own questions! There have been organic opportunities to plug my own writing and pieces - especially as people discuss uniform dressing, pregnancy essentials, workwear that is pregnancy friendly, and postpartum essentials. So what is it about them that is so different, so refreshing, from other internet communities that are out there?

I’ve never been a big Reddit person. Until pretty recently, I didn’t fully grasp the community/forum aspect of Reddit. Instead, I thought it was a random place on the internet where my husband always discovered funny or slightly raunchy memes and got lost in deep discussions about the Raven’s chances of getting the right pick in next year’s NFL draft (or something like that!)

But, I know (now), that all sorts of communities and sub-communities exist. And they are places where people form real (well, internet real) connections with others. Bonding and connecting over shared due dates, like interests, favorite sports teams, and hobbies. You can find a sub-reddit that will help you identify and then dress for your Kibbe body type (sorry in advance for that wormhole!), that will give you access to decks from MBB, or even critique your slides, or review & provide feedback on your resume.

So, there is a place for everyone - but you know what there also is? Snark.

There are forums that are dedicated to trolling people on the internet. Think - criticisms and mean things about popular influencers, full threads dedicated to talking about how annoying X/Y/Z person is. It’s a side of the internet that I’m really not into, and have a hard time understanding.

And then, of course, there is Facebook. Facebook was huge for me when I was in college (2006-2010). Like any good millennial Facebook user, I uploaded a full photo album, including every single photo taken on my digital camera, after every party/event/night out with friends. The album title was almost always a song lyric, or quote we were repeating constantly (apparently, I still have an album called “The Back Of Your Head Is Ridiculous.” Filters, touchups, cropping, editing - literally, never heard of it. I poked crushes. Left cryptic messages on my friends “walls.” And then once I was out of college and into my 20s, Instagram became the new social media of choice and I gravitated away from FB, except to wish people happy birthday (or, make sure I didn’t miss the birthday of a friend). When I became a mom, I came back to Facebook - but with a very clear purpose - to be a part of parent & caregiver groups to source and vet childcare options. This eventually grew into membership in a few other local community groups, and an intense obsession with Facebook marketplace.

But still, there is something different about the Facebook groups I’m a part of. Most notably, there is still snark. Particularly the parenting ones. It’s different from the snark on Reddit. But it’s still there -

Jade Fox

described it well in her recent piece about Elf on the Shelf, reflecting on a message she read from a mom who publicly (in a Facebook group), shared her decision to cease participation in the Elf on a Shelf tradition:

As you can imagine, the keyboard mums went wild in both, her defense calling Elf “torture” and confessing they have never delved into it while others served her with comments like “I think it’s sad… if she’s upset, it must be important to her.” I still do not quite understand why she posted this. Perhaps a need to vent, to find others like her or to scream her frustrations into the dark hole of the internet, freeing her from her own guilt? I’ll never know. And what’s the point of commenting to further twist the dagger? I’ll never know that either, I guess.

I have not seen any snark in the Substack Chat’s I’m a part of. Perhaps it’s because it’s mostly requests for recommendations? But there seems to be an understanding of the fact that what works for me might not work for you and that’s cool? (Unlike how sometimes someone’s different opinion or approach to parenting, shared in a FB forum can feel like a personal attack on your own ability to parent.)

And what I have been most delighted by, is how there is space for everyone in these Substack chats. In my newsletter, I write primarily about getting dressed, personal style and my favorite shopping finds, but I’m not sure I’m a “Fashion Girl.” I’m working on getting over the fact that I sometimes feel embarrassed by how much I like clothes. I lust after, but own very few high designer items. I have not cut my teeth in the fashion world. The history of design houses, their creative directors, their stories, their collections is new to me. I’m learning about and experimenting with proportions, layering, accessories, buying secondhand, figuring out what I actually like. I am cringing at some of my outfits I was wearing a couple years ago, but I am telling me myself that’s growth! I have so much to learn. It’s a me problem, but I’m self-conscious about this - there is a stupid little voice in the back of my head yelling, “well, what do you really know? do you even belong here?”

And you know what I found in the chat? No one cares! Even though the fashion niche might feel competitive and non-collaborative, there are actually a ton of people - writers and subscribers alike who are looking for community and connection.

I have learned SO MUCH. I’m setting up filters & saved searches on TRR. I’ve discovered other writers (s/o to

Sarah Shapiro

who writes about the latest retail, fashion & merchandising trends - I’ve learned a lot just from her Substack!) Everyone is shopping high and low, and no one cares where you get your clothes, unless they do because they want it! People care about quality, but recognize that quality comes at a ton of different price points. People appreciate beautiful pieces, but beautiful things come at all different price points too. We are divided on mesh flats. Equally divided on the Row Red Ankle Boots. We are all obsessed with Gap jeans.

These chats have become community-connecting and building spaces that Instagram has not yet created - or at least I haven’t seen. While most connections on Instagram flow from creator to follower (and back), there isn’t much of a flow for creator to follower to follower/community member. Outside of the ability to comment on posts - which will sometimes result in a thread of back & forth, there isn’t the same open loop of communication. (Or, is that what’s happening in broadcasts or subscriber chats?)

And, it’s not just the writer getting the conversation started. Readers are starting threads with questions, things they are hunting for, thoughts from others on specific purchases. There are threads for in person meetups and asking to make friends in certain cities.

Are these chats so special and active because we want to spend more time off Instagram/not glued to social media apps? Is it because these women have clear style & a POV (eg: not only about shopping), who are offering something besides product roundups? Probably a little of both, and there are other things at play too.

The content I’m loving the most on Substack (honestly pretty much everywhere) includes shopping, but also includes thoughtful writing and sharing in a way that the author’s personality, experience, and relationships come through. What makes you love something? How would you style it? Something closer to original blogging. I would love to know what these writers think makes their communities so strong because they know more about what they’ve done to build community than I do!

I think at this point I’ve rambled on so long that I’ve entirely lost the plot, but I am seriously loving Substack chats. (Mine is on BTW, if you’re interested!) Cheers to Substack chats, community & the good corners of the internet!

And on the shopping front - I have made purchases directly from the chat (and let’s not even talk about my wishlist, hehe). Most recently: I got the Donni Rib Kick Flare Pant because EVERYONE is obsessed with them. If I can’t have the High Sport Pants (sigh, someday, maybe when we don’t need so much childcare to operate our family), then the universal recommendation was that the Donni pants are equally good, and, you guys, THE CHATS WERE NOT WRONG. I’m truly obsessed. Not a legging, not a sweat, as comfortable as both. Perfectly ankle-length on my 5’6” body (they would also be great if you’re a little taller, I love a kick crop!) I got the navy, and I’m already itching for espresso.

The Donni pants on their inaugural wear - straight out of the package. They carried me through a full day of appointments, errands, hanging with all my kids and putting everyone to bed, and I was kind of sad to take them off! Worn with a Gap Mini Rib Knit Long Sleeve (a favorite layering piece for wintertime), and the Jenni Kayne Cocoon Cardigan

And then, I asked the chat for help on my hyper-specific search for new underwear…and the chat… DELIVERED.

Time for new underwear, and I have some requirements that I was having a hard time finding!

When I posted about my request on Instagram, so many of you responded to me asking about the recommendations, so here you go (* indicates I am planning on trying in my first batch of try-ons)

• *Cotton Jersey Full brief from Skims ($20). Lots of energy in the chat for this option (many skims devotees!) Also comes in the Fits Everyone material if you prefer not cotton. Also apparently the Fits Everybody thong is 10/10.

• *Negative Underwear got a lot of energy - specifically for the cotton thong ($58 for a set of 3). Am I shopping for a thong now?? I’m trying to stay focused. But the French-cut Briefs ($45 for 3) look great!

• Hanky Panky Breath Natural ($48 for a set of 3). These got a lot of support and I was…shocked? Should I reconsider my stance on thongs??

• Duluth Trading Women’s Underwear - specifically the Free Range Organic Cotton Hi-Cut. I like the high-leg, but not sure the waist is high enough for me!

• *Subset (fka Knickey) - Makes underwear in organic cotton and lots of cuts. They’re not seamless, but the Cotton High-Rise Brief ($48 for set of 3) looks great. I have

• Natori French Cut Brief ($48 for a set of 3) - Multiple mentions! Love the look of these, but more of a mid rise. I like my underwear to touch my belly button!

• *Chantelle Soft Stretch One Size High Rise Brief ($48 for a set of 3) - I have and like these, but they need a little refresh (probs shouldn’t have worn them through my most recent pregnancy). I’m going to get a couple since I know I will love them! I also really like the French Brief Chantelle offers.

• *Organic Basics French Cut ($14) - can’t beat this price! Can tell if there is enough butt coverage for my liking, but the women who recommended said they have more coverage than the Cuup Modal pair (which I mentioned didn’t have enough coverage for me), so, I’m going to try!

• Gap Breath High Rise Bikini ($40 for a set of 3) - multiple mentions. These look especially like they would be great for nighttime!

• ARQ Misha Undies ($28) - Not sure about butt coverage, but there was a lot of support for this company. The underwear certainly looks extremely nice. Note that all underwear is final sale.

• Soma Embraceable Line (Enchanting Lace High Leg - $29 for set of 5) - These come in multiple rises/styles depending on your preferences - they have have a cotton gusset, but the rest is rayon, so very soft, and lace waistbands so feels pretty for everyday underwear. Bonus is that if there is a Soma store near you, you can try these on!

• Hu-Ha Bikini ($24)- Apparently they don’t ride up and are super comfortable (according to a respondent who has tried Skims, ARQ, Hanro, Cuup, Knickey, Negative, etc.)

• *Only Hearts Cotton - Feather Weight Rib High Cut Brief ($37)- Full butt, high leg, comfortable and a little sexy. Yes. I’m very intruiged by the rib fabric on these, so definitely going to give them a try.

• Otto Body got a highly endorsed & credentialized review. 100% cotton. They are also extremely dedicated to educating women about their bodies - Christine Williams Morrison shared this review with me! I’m interested in the French Cut Brief ($24/pair), as well as the Sleep Short ($30).

I’ll be sure to report back on what I think of the pairs that I try! Good luck on your underwear search if you’re on one!

I have so many ideas and aspirations for this newsletter & little space on the internet in 2024. I think this will likely be my last post of the year, but that could change. Thank you so much for being here. Wishing you a happy holiday season, and I hope you get time to rest and recover in the week ahead!

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