What happens when a vacation kind of...sucks?
Or, why I'm pretty glad I fought the urge to buy an entirely new wardrobe for our warm weather getaway & what I managed to wear when I wasn't in a hotel room with a sick kiddo.
I began drafting this letter a couple weeks ago as I was starting to think about our family vacation to Mexico. My plan was to write about why I have the urge to buy an entire new wardrobe prior to every vacation I have planned - discussing the allure and fantasy that a vacation signifies - an escape from real life, an opportunity to dress in your “ideal” way, free from the functional demands that we accommodate in our day to day lives. I have a whole slue of resort looks I’d screenshotted and saved away - inspiring ideas for my own outfits, multiple purchases and filling my fantasy shopping carts.
And then, we went on vacation.
And it was, forgive the language because there is truly the ONLY language to describe it, a FUCKING DISASTER.
Everything started off fine. We had a long day of travel to kick things off. Besides being just a really long day (we left our house at 4:30AM EST and finally made it to our resort in Puerto Vallarta around 5:30PM CST), the toughest part was a very slow -moving line to get through customs and immigration when we finally landed - we were all tired, hungry, and hot! But then we were at our resort! The weather was warm. We were at the beach. There were multiple pools. Our kids were reunited with their grandparents (my husband’s parents, who have a timeshare down here, hence our visit) that they hadn’t seen since Christmas.
Our first few days went off pretty well… lots of swimming in the pool, playing on the beach, French fries eaten poolside, killer happy hour margaritas. Sleep when traveling with kids (especially three of them and especially when one is a baby) can be challenging, but after one night of adjustment, everyone was sleeping pretty great. Cute outfits were worn & captured.
Then, on Saturday afternoon, I picked Willa up from her nap and she felt hot to the touch. Okay, I thought, shoot, poor Willa, she must have a fever. We were prepared for that - we brought all the meds & all the other things from home to manage a little bug that any of the kids might have picked up during the course of our travels.
Unfortunately, on Sunday, she wasn’t any better. And her usually happy, cheerful, sunny demeanor was…off. I will spare all the details, but what followed was a week of a very sick baby and an unclear diagnosis - first diagnosed with strep via an urgent care visit, then a potential allergic reaction to antibiotics, leading to a second urgent care visit, and then a middle of the night ED visit where strep was ruled out, and then scrambling to get another opinion from a pediatrician at a local clinic. Basically, it was not fun. Instead of doing fun things as a family and moving from beach to pool to beach to pool, relaxing and just enjoying some undistracted time together, we juggled dosing Motrin, making the baby as comfortable as possible so she could take long naps (often only contact naps), watching her symptoms carefully, trading off taking the big kids to do something fun, and getting very, very, very little sleep. Plus, it rained for 3 days (not that this stopped my big kids from enjoying themselves despite the drizzle, but the lack of sun while also dealing with everything else, really did a number on me!) And, my mother-in-law got some sort of stomach bug in the middle of all of this!
I had a ton of “downtime”- I took the baby most of the time and she did nap a ton, but I never felt relaxed. I was stressed about what was wrong with her, when she would feel better again, and worried that the rest of us might get sick too. I scrolled Instagram a lot, which is a disassociation tool, and also NOT how I wanted to spend my time to myself while on vacation. But, mental fortitude to make myself turn away from the quick dopamine hits were at a low. We were invited on this trip to join my in-laws who spend February in Mexico enjoying their timeshare, and while the accommodations are comfortable, (and generously gifted to us!) they are not luxurious, nor are they intended to be used to spend all day inside. I think we all can agree it is not ideal to be sick while staying in a hotel!
So yeah, basically, it sucked.
And then, also, there were some great parts too - Willa giggling on the beach when she did feel good enough to come outside. Sitting poolside with her Papa watching all the people swimming in the pool, including her brother and sister. My oldest going down the water slide over and over and over again, asking me to take videos so he could share it with his Kindergarten teacher when we’re back home. My middle daughter shrieking with joy running into the ocean and yelling at me to run as fast as I could into the water to join her. Ellis and Addie are basically fish. Building endless sandcastles on the beach. Watching Ellis befriend literally ANYONE - one morning I sat on a beach chair while he befriended and hung out with a 10 year old and helped him dig a small child-sized hole on the beach for two hours. Having two margaritas on our first night and realizing my husband and I were accidentally both VERY tipsy. Getting a call from our friends to tell us that that the offer they put in on the house NEXT DOOR TO US was accepted and they are going to be our neighbors! Just to name a few.
To call anything all bad, or all good for that matter, would be an oversimplification of just about anything in life. Even if we had a great trip, I’m sure there would have been bad moments. The bad sharpens the good and brings it into focus - it’s like when you are just living your day-to-day life, you don’t notice how good it feels to be able to do that, but then the second you get sick, you have an immediate appreciation for being healthy.
I won’t lie, I was hesitant at first to share this because in general I tend to think that there are more stories about the downsides/bad parts of motherhood and parenthood. And not enough about the wonderful experiences. And while this isn't necessarily an experience that is unique to being a mother - everyone has had the experience of not having a great vacation - or, the experience of looking forward to something that then did not live up to your expectations, this trip was made immensely harder and more challenging because I am a mother, and my kids were with me. There is a strong narrative out there that would suggest that motherhood is bleak and impossibly hard (I’ve mentioned before that this is something I want to write more about - and I’ve started! In the meantime, if you’re curious, you should read this article). And I really disagree with that narrative!
Of course there are bad parts, they’re bad parts of every experience in life. So I tend to seek to highlight the joy of motherhood, and also the fact that just because something is hard, doesn’t mean it’s bad! I don’t want a pity party. But, also, this is real life. Traveling with kids is never without challenges, and I love to travel with my kids. But man, this was truly a very tough week. I’m exhausted. My husband is exhausted. I’ve been extremely anxious and usually my anxiety is something that is pretty well controlled. Operating on little sleep is very hard. The phrase, “I need a vacation from my vacation” has new meaning! Nothing hits quite like a shit show travel day (everyone melting down) after a trip that wasn’t great. (And we’re home now, but holy cow was our trip home rough).
But, we charge on! Because that’s what we do - as adults, as parents, as people. That’s life! And yes, I’m disappointed that my vacation was not a fantasy, and that it wasn’t much of an escape from the day-to-day (there were several points over the course of the week where I would have given just about anything to be back in our normal routine!)
It probably comes as no surprise that I’m pretty glad that I was able to fight the urge to buy an entirely new wardrobe before this trip because…well, I didn’t wear most of my vacation outfits.
We made it out to dinner as a family once, my husband and I snuck out for a late dinner one night, but other than that we either ate by the pool or room service. But, I did get to wear a few cute things in the early part of the trip. (Also, as I was writing this, I sort of realized that this might seem like a lot - but - it’s pretty much concentrated in a couple of days - with multiple outfits for early morning, morning, and afternoon/early evening — days are broken up into multiple chunks for us right now, ha!)
I put a lot of thought into my travel outfits, and posted a full breakdown of why I wore what I wore for our travel day, which you can read here.
Before the trip I ordered this top (also available here) and this set - both of which served me very well.
I didn’t get a great picture of the vest, because I wore it when we had about 5 minutes to get ready and only about an hour to squeeze in a quick dinner while also wanting to go to bed as early as possible because we were so tired, but it’s fabulous. I had planned to also wear it with my linen pants from Sleeper, but never had the opportunity. When the weather warms up I’ll wear it with blue jeans, with shorts, and with a slip skirt.
DEIJI studio is a new-to-me brand. I love their styles- incredibly wearable, simple designs in high quality fabrics, at a fair price point. I’ll get a lot of wear out of this set - I liked that when I wore the top tucked into the pants it was almost like a jumpsuit, but I could also wear it untucked for a different look, and I will wear it as separates as well.
My matching top/skirt is from J.Crew- it’s a couple years old and I love it. I am always drawn to wear wear more color and pattern in warmer weather, and buying separates is a great way for me to indulge in the bold patterns and colors, while also ensuring I get a lot of wear out of the pieces. Highly recommend a matching “dressy” set especially if you’re traveling with your kids - you will feel instantly put together (several ideas in the caption above)!! Another fabulous set find is this skirt and top from the latest Hill House drop, and this from Reformation (the white is gorgeous if you are a bride!)
This Faherty dress is a great coverup, and also is opaque enough to be worn as a true dress. I love the length! A great shirtdress is a closet staple for me - especially when nursing! I also love this one from Frank & Eileen.
Mille is one of my favorite brands. This dress always come with me on vacation- it is just holiday vibes, you know. It’s the Saffron silhouette and I love it so much! I highly recommend giving their collection a look - I also have the Daisy, and the Sienna. They are great wear forever pieces - none of them were purchased specifically for pregnancy, but I’ve worn them throughout my pregnancies and postpartum! Also, Mille just launched denim!!!
I was extremely grateful to have packed a suitcase full of items that could easily be mixed and match. I certainly didn’t have multiple doctor’s appointments on my list of potential occasions, but I had packed the right basics to make it work. I KNOW that it might sound stupid, but I always feel better when I am dressed. Even if being dressed makes the most miniscule improvement (because obviously, getting dressed was not a solution to any of the very real issues we were navigating with our daughter), I’ll take it!
And so finally we made it home. I am exhausted. My kids are exhausted. My husband is exhausted. The biggest, smartest thing I did was arrange to have a babysitter come hang with my kids for the mornings this weekend so we could have a little time to rest and also get our house back in order in anticipation of the week ahead (unpack, laundry, etc). The second smartest thing I did was have our house deep cleaned while we were away. As exhausted as I was when we got home last night I was still DELIGHTED to see how every inch of our home was spotless.
If you have a warm weather trip coming up, I have rounded up some of my favorite resort and early spring finds here (it’s really good if I do say so myself!). A few standouts:
I cannot wear anything bra-less, and it takes a lot for me to want to deal with a sticky bra, but otherwise I would scoop this dress up in an instant. This looks really similar but doesn’t have the open-back!
Another adorable Deiji Studio set.
Love a mini!
This top and pants inspired by white vest and white jeans look
The perfect black sandal.
I really love everything from La Maregold, and especially this top and matching pants. I have my eyes set on it for the summertime!
And, a little reminder to not blow your budget just for a trip, but it is always fun to have a new piece or two! And, if you’ve had a crappy trip recently - you’re not alone!
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One of my biggest fears is having a vacation suck! And I slide into toxic positivity because of that fear.
It’s never vacation with young kids. It’s a trip. I’d almost even call it a WORK trip.