Relaxxxxx
Just try it, you'll probably feel better
Last week, (note: it was now 2 weeks ago because I have not been able to make much time to dedicate to writing!) I wrote about bringing a more relaxed version of myself and general a mood/vibe/feeling of relaxation to all my relationships. I keep coming back to the Bill Murray quote that I shared, playing it over and over again in my head. I love it. I love it for its simplicity and for its truth.
The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself.
Being more relaxed is not always easy for my type-a self that often cannot keep my mind from going to worst-case scenarios, focusing on the need for constant perfection, the next thing that needs to be done, and building things up in my head. But, as I often advise clients, many people work very hard to over-complicate things and make it seem like only the most experienced, smartest, most intelligent thinker will be able to solve the problems at hand, through hours and hours and hours of hard work.
In reality, though, many problems are simple and they are blown up because they have been artificially over-complicated. Because we made them that way. At work, my job is essentially to help clients solve complex problems. I do this by breaking them down into something simpler — something that is both easier to understand and easier to solve. I also do this through observation and process improvement - by watching the ways that my clients, their teams, and peers work and identifying opportunities to make their work easier and more successful.
And, isn’t that what it’s actually all about — how can we make things easier? I mean, I literally get paid to do this for a living - to make things easier for my clients and make them look good. So, it seems like I should be able to bring that same perspective and approach to my own life. It truly is easier said than done, but it’s a simple concept.
There is, quite simply, enough emphasis on hard things — work hard, play hard. If you work hard enough you will achieve anything you want, people who work hard are successful, to make lots of money you need to work hard, measuring intelligence and success by the hard business problems you solve, even glorifying the hard days of parenting as something that we all just do and have to deal with — we all suffer in order to get where we want to be. I’m not trying to deny that the world is a hard place. There are a lot of hard things that we have to do every day. There are hard things that many people have to do every day that I cannot even comprehend because of my position of privilege.
But, I am challenging myself to focus less on heard things and instead on the easy and simple things that help us be more relaxed, better versions of ourselves. I’m not denying hard. I am probably never going to silence the voice in the back of my head asking whether I am doing enough for my clients, or trying hard enough at work or did I get that slide deck just right. But I can tell it to shut the f*ck up. I can approach more things with a mentality of “this is figure-out-able,” and “I will get through this.” (Excuse me, making a mental note to tell myself this when I wake up exhausted tomorrow morning and have to get my kids up for the day.) I can remind myself that it actually might not be that hard — getting things done is better than it being perfect, or even, the best it can be. I am going to focus on getting 80% of the way there via 20% of the work and then just chill out about the rest. (Okay, chill out a little bit about the rest.)
This is a theme that I am focused on this year - what happens if we focus less on hard work as the measure of success and more on other measurements. What if, “what’s next,” isn’t the immediate question we ask when we wrap something up? What would we be focused on if we weren’t so influenced by capitalism that the standard of success is either “irrational growth expectations” or failure. As the Pop Apologists say, what if I want to “work soft?” I’m excited to promise more rambling thoughts on this topic and I assume you, reader, are waiting with baited breath for my next installment.
On the clothes front, I am all about that relaxed feeling when I get dressed. Clothes are an extension of how I feel — when I need a pick-me-up or to feel more human, getting dressed and getting ready for the day can make me feel 100x better. I credit this in large part to my mom who always made my sister and I get dressed every day for school. I can remember when I got to college and was like - holy sh*t, I can wear sweatpants to class and no one will send me back upstairs to change. It was truly wild. But even though I indulged in the occasionally sweats-wearing to class from time to time (I did, after all, go to college in the era of peak leggings + uggs + north face fleece fashion), I usually got dressed.
To this day, I rarely leave the house without feeling like I am “dressed.” Thanks to the rise of athleisure, this often means I am in athletic clothes of some kind, but still in an “outfit.” So, clothes are almost like an additional lever I have available to me to maintain a more relaxed outlook on life. To me, this means unfussy, classic pieces that make you feel great and like yourself. They are those effortless, loved pieces that you can just grab out of your closet, and know you’re going to feel like 100 bucks whether you are going out to dinner or taking your kids to the playground. Cheers to being relaxed in mind, body & clothes!
Charlotte Jeans / 2. White Blouse / 3. Sleeveless Top / 4. Sleeper Dress / 5. Fleece / 6. Sneakers / 7. Striped Shirt / 8. Striped Button Down / 9. Emerson Fry Dress / 10. Cream Sweater / 11. Black Tank Dress
Charlotte Jeans - The first thing I think of when I think relaxed style is a killer pair of jeans. So many options out there, but right now I am dying to have this pair in my closet- they are in my cart and with a little luck (and a glass of wine tonight), will hopefully be at my house in a few days.
White Blouse - Something about a great white shirt that I am addicted to. I collect them and will always gravitate towards them when I’m shopping. Looks so good tucked into jeans, or with a skirt!
Sleeveless Top - Another top that just makes whatever you are wearing look put together. Simple, cool, relaxed, chic.
Sleeper Dress - I’ve been lusting over so many pieces from this brand, and this dress looks so comfortable but also so put together, and could be worn to so many different occasions.
Fleece - Always need a fleece when you live in New England, and I like the shape of this one a lot, just feels very chic and put together but also cozy.
Sneakers - The ultimate in relaxed style - a classic white tread that could be worn with every single piece in this edit.
Striped Shirt - Could never talk about relaxed style without (at least!) one striped item. I love stripes and they are the ultimate in relaxed-chic. With leggings, with jeans, with black pants, with trousers. The list goes on.
Striped Button Down - Also a classic poplin button-down is so versatile and that perfect feel-good, wear many ways piece.
Emerson Fry Dress - I love everything Emerson Fry does and this dress is no exception. I have it in a different color-way and it is just so utterly wear-able - one of those just put on and feel instantly good pieces.
Cream Sweater - Again, I love Alex Mill. Their whole collection is actually exactly what I think of when I think relaxed style - you don’t need a wardrobe of neutrals, you just need a wardrobe of things you love that look great and are comfortable and you can always pull something together that is simple and makes you feel your best.
Black Tank Dress - I would wear this constantly, I am looking for a piece like this to add to my closet. It would look incredible with the sneakers and fleece, or the cream sweater! You could even wear the striped button-up over it with a pointy flat. *chefs kiss*
Half Zip / 13. AYR Pants / 14. Supergas / 15. Sandals / 16. Jumpsuit / 17. Ribbed Button-Up Dress / 18. Graphic T-Shirt / 19. Floral Shirtdress / 20. Flared Pants / 21. Striped T / 22. Jean Shorts / 23. Jacket
Half Zip - A classic, comfy & simple sweatshirt that can look pulled together but also be cozy and comfortable when you need it to be is a key wardrobe staple. This would look great over a midi-dress or even tied over your shoulders - total relaxed vibes.
AYR Pants - Despite a pact with myself that I would absolutely not buy anymore sweat-like pants, I bought these, and I have to say, no regrets. I’m excited to have a non-jogger option, and these pants actually look really put together - you would never be able to tell they are actually sweats until you put them on and feel the incredible fleecy (but lightweight) fabric!
Supergas - I love that these bring a little bit of a dressier look to an outfit than a standard white sneaker, but still very comfortable, chic and simple.
Sandals - Not necessarily weather appropriate at the moment, but these are a super simple slide sandal that could work with dresses, skirts, pants, jeans and shorts.
Jumpsuit - I adore a jumpsuit. A one and done piece that you can feel okay spending a little more on. This one especially looks incredibly comfortable and so chic - you put it on, feel like the best version of yourself and walk out the door. The dream.
Ribbed Button-Up Dress - So incredibly wearable and versatile - I’m eyeing this one for sure!
Graphic T-Shirt - Just a really cool T.
Floral Shirtdress - I love shirtdresses - they are so versatile. This would work at the playground with sneakers or into the office, maybe paired with a blazer if you need a slightly dressier look.
Flared Pants - I am regularly inspired by these pants - a fitted, slightly cropped, slightly flared pair of black trousers are a wardrobe staple, can be worn time and time again, and have that effortless vibe about them.
Striped T - Obviously, as a stripe fiend, I had to put multiple options on here. This is a great, classic, soft T with a slightly boxy fit. It looks great with jeans, under sweaters or sweatshirts and with shorts or other pant. I think a piece like this belongs in everyone’s wardrobe!
Jean Shorts - So freaking hard to find a good pair of jean shorts that are long enough and comfortable. But when you find the right ones, they are a wardrobe essential and can be worn constantly.
Jacket - Love the timeless, comfy, classic look of a barn jacket!