If I could shake the crushing weight of expectations, would that free some room up for joy, or relaxation, or simple pleasure?
and other things we can take away from Encanto besides the soundtrack living in our heads rent-free
In 2022, I have watched Encanto more times than I am comfortable admitting. We listen to the soundtrack on repeat every morning at breakfast. Usually twice because it’s surprisingly quick (or, maybe my mornings are really long?) We all sing and dance, even the baby. Ellis (3.5), knows basically every single word. (Side note: watching your kid learn lyrics and be able to sing along to songs is a pretty wild thing to watch, I’m obsessed!) His favorite song is Antonio’s Voice, which is a kind of weird choice (it’s the musical interlude that plays when Antonio goes into his room which has transformed into a jungle after he receives his gift), but Ellis recognizes the music and makes us all pretend to ooh and ahhh as he imagines the cheetah running by, the snake that Antonio swings around, the tree that he runs up.
I love the movie and I LOVE the music. It’s such a win-win when we watch something we all can enjoy. Major improvement over Cocomelon or Little Baby Bum. And, I know we are not alone! A quick scroll through Encanto TikTok has a multitude of videos that prove the addictive quality of the music (this one is my personal favorite - accurate).
But more than an enjoyable source of entertainment, the themes that the movie tackles — pressure to succeed, measuring success based on outcomes or value-add, family dynamics, fear or shame associated with the truth or sharing your true feelings (among others!) — and the lyrics that articulate and break down the complexities of these themes are incredibly relatable.
I found it impossible to watch the movie without thinking about the way parents or parent-figures can contribute to making younger generations feel like they can’t be themselves. That they can make kids feel like there is some vision or ideal that their parents have created for them that they have to live up to, and that’s the only way to make people love them. So many of the major thought leaders in the parenting space right now focus on helping a new generation of parents understand that it requires intention to make sure your kids don’t grow up feeling this way. It starts with practices like validating and welcoming all feelings and creating safe spaces where kids can express any emotion without judgment or fear. There is so much psychology and behavioral science that defends the importance of this type of parenting in order to raise kids that are resilient, able to communicate effectively, process emotions, love themselves and feel confident that they will be able to decide for themselves what they like and don’t like, what they do or don’t want to do and that those decisions will have absolutely no impact on the way their parents feel about them. I loved how the movie illustrates this. And, in the end, Abuela realizes, “the miracle is not, some magic that you got, the miracle is you, not some gift, just you.”
On a totally, non-parenting (or, not totally parenting note), I get goosebumps and teary-eyed every time I watch Luisa’s scene, or listen to “Surface Pressure.” God. What a freaking relatable song/experience/character. I put so much pressure on myself, and I feel so much pressure, sometimes even to the point that I start to think other people expect so much of me that I create the illusion of even more pressure. Pressure to succeed, dream big, accomplish, earn, win, and be great and then do it all again, just more. And of course, to do it all without showing that it’s really fucking hard to do. The whole idea of identity and self-worth as tied to your ability to “just do it,” without asking “how hard the work is,” or asking for help, or that you can’t say “no,” is kind of just another word for mom guilt. Or parenting guilt, as I know there are fathers who feel like way too, even though I do believe there is something different that happens to mothers versus fathers, both internally and externally.
There are so many expectations out there for mothers, and ideas of what it looks like to be a “good mother.” In the same way, there are so many opinions about what it means to be a “good woman” or what it means to be good at your job, whatever job that might be. I’m so sick of seeing how often people have to defend their lives and choices to other people. I’m so sick of seeing how many people think that they get to tell other people how to live their lives because of their “opinion.” It’s no one’s business but my own whether or not I’m a good mom (or a good anything!), and no one’s opinion on it matters other than my own — both to define what it means and then to measure up to it. Listening to the song over and over again and reflecting on the messages has been a good reminder of this. And that never admitting or sharing that it’s sometimes really hard to do things that so many people around you might just seem to think are totally normal, run-of-the-mill types of things just perpetuates the problem. This type of vulnerability is really hard - we see that Luisa has basically never been able to express how she feels until her sister finally asks her and she finds it within herself to be courageous enough to open up. And when she does - what a gift - her sister validates her feelings and reminds her that she doesn’t have to do it all, or do it all alone! She opens the door for Luisa to find simple pleasures, joy, relaxation and not just pressure all the time.
I’m rambling, but this is the energy I’m trying to bring into my life right now. Less pressure, more fun. I’m pouring this energy into my marriage, into the relationships I have with other moms, with other parents, and with co-workers. In January, I read this great quote from Bill Murray, and I wrote it down and stuck it on the wall above my desk.
“The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself.”
So, thanks to Luisa for reminding us that we are putting way too much pressure on ourselves, and for leaning into relaxation, joy, and fun.
This brings us to the clothes. I’m obsessed with all the outfits in the movies. And, if any of you, like me, have gone down a deep Encanto TikTok wormhole, then you know that there are so many incredible details in the outfits of each of the characters.
The costumes are inspiring me to think about brighter colors, which is a huge change for me. But maybe connected to a greater shift I’ve felt in what catches my eye and what I want to have in my closet and wear on my body in the past couple of years. While I will always have a love for neutrals, I have definitely been gravitating more and more towards some color, some pattern, and some brighter things. Basically, wearing what makes you feel great and happy — and right now for me, that’s adding some color! It’s all about joy and fun. So, now we have, all the color — inspired by Encanto and reminding us that the weather will be warm again!
Farm Rio Maxi Dress (similar) / 2. Ellie Nap Dress / 3. Farm Rio Mini Dress / 4. Coco Shop Skirt / 5. Xirena Blouse / 6. Ophelia Hill House Dress / 7. Blackstock & Weber Loafers / 8. Mille Catharine Dress / 9. Boden Sweater / 10. Quilted Jacket / 11. Leggings / 12. Antik Batik Dress